May 14th was supposed to have been my due date. Ever since last Thanksgiving when we got the news that I was having a miscarriage, I dreaded May 14th. I knew that I would not forget that date, that it would be hard to do anything but think about what could have been.
A lot has happened since October, and though the day wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated, it was still emotional for me. Yes, I am expecting again and of course, I am so so grateful for that. But that doesn’t mean I have forgotten the life that I carried and lost. He or she will be with me always. That little person who was only 8 weeks along, is still part of our family and has left an imprint on our hearts.
We knew all along that we wanted to do something to remember our baby. I had heard of people planting trees, and I thought that was a wonderful idea. So during lunch on May 14th, my husband Michael and I went to the local greenhouse to find our baby’s tree. In my search, I found a rose bush, and I knew right away that it was ours. A few small flowers were already in bloom, pretty and bright yellow and pink. The tag said it should bloom from early summer until fall. It was perfect.
That night, as the sunset, we planted our roses. I took photos while Sofia helped Daddy and Nana dig the hole. Then she carried the watering can and with our help, watered the bush for the first time. I told her that these are our baby’s flowers, and that made her excited.
It’s a small thing, but it means a lot. I feel like now that this day has come and gone, I can truly move on. While I will keep this with me forever, I can put it behind me and look forward to what is to come. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family, and so much support from friends. It’s not easy to put all of this out there for the world to see, but it is cathartic and I hope it can help someone else to get through a loss. You never have to feel alone.